If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
Yo straight up, it’s exciting that when I get married I can cuddle every night with someone. If that doesn’t pump you up you’re dead inside.
do you ever listen to music and suddenly you’re like wow I want my life to be the way this song sounds I want to live in this song
in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck
this is why you guys had the black plague.