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stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family

Stop reblogging my failure

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  • 2 hours ago
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joelovesyoualot:

Yo straight up, it’s exciting that when I get married I can cuddle every night with someone. If that doesn’t pump you up you’re dead inside.

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zannablack:

superlockedinthephandom:

sarajust:

taggedbooty:

offlcer:

♫ it’s going down, i’m yelling Simba ♫

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TOO SOON

IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS BEEN 20 YEARS

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oh my god…

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  • 13 hours ago
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no-sense-to-me:

adamsbabble:

parkingintopeter:

do you want to hear a joke

the north american education system

HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha please help us

HAHAHA no really we need help

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  • 13 hours ago
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bakrua:

*runs after garbage truck* WAIT!!!!! YOU FORGOT ME!!!!!

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giraffescanflytoo:

kurdtkocaine:

so my brother was doing something weird in the front yard in his underwear???

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and the next thing i know……

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Do you live in a Sims game

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  • 13 hours ago
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twentyonepivots:

do you ever listen to music and suddenly you’re like wow I want my life to be the way this song sounds I want to live in this song

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sansaofhousestark:

doctorkpepper:

henrycavills:

in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck

this is why you guys had the black plague.

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